Reflections

Reflections
All the doing is done. The presents are purchased, wrapped, and I get to just enjoy the rest of the week with family and friends. I used to hate new years. Like, I think I expected a big fantastic party on Dec 31st, to kiss the prince on the white horse and he would take me away in the next best year of my life. So, after realizing this was not true, the last few years I’ve spent the holiday just reflecting. What have I learned about myself this year? What do I really want next year?
I want to find more balance in my body.
I want to continue finding positive ways to interact with my children during stressful situations.
I want to become debt free (almost there, whoo hoo).
I want to continue on my spiritual journey.

I think that’s pretty good start.
I have a week to iron it out.
Love and peace.

Dust in the Wind

Questions
Dust in the wind
Be ware, there are some deep thoughts here. Deep thoughts by jack handy. Deep thoughts actually make me happy, so even though they might scare the heck out of some folks, I love discussions like this. So, you were warned.
Am I bad because I like sex or because I masturbate? Or should I be pious and abstinent and therefor virtuous and clean feeling. That might make me happy, but only because I’m so much better than all those people out there succumbing to their hormones. So, does that make me better? I don’t think so, I think that’s still pretty egotistical, narcissistic. Am I bad because I feel good writing a check to a charity, or that my check book balances. The only time I can really get away from that holier than thou feeling vs sinner, is thinking about how I’m really just a big pile of atoms and molecules. It blows my mind sometimes to think there might be an atom in my body that was once part of another part of the universe, or mountain or something. It brings me down to God. Alles ist Gott. I love that. And all we are is dust in the wind. Man that was a good song. I’m not really one for religion, because I feel most is beaucratic business and nonsense, but when I look at the moon sometimes, I say “hi God”. I know and pray to something bigger than myself. I try to do the right thing and when I don’t think I’m doing the right thing, all I can do is be patient with myself, forgive and move on. How can some things be so right and so wrong at the same time. Grey matter. There is no black and white, and it’s all good. Just love and give and try to do the next right thing.Peace out.

Serenity

I think of the serenity prayer, soooo wise...
Accepting:
So, what I think I have to accept.... is that we will always be practicing.. maybe practicing different things, but there will never be a top of the mountain, I reached my goal, I'm done. I may have that feeling for a moment, but there’s always a bigger peak to climb next and there's always a big fuzzy grey line as to what is good and bad and right and wrong and right for you might not be right for me.
I think that when we accept... when we realize, every "perfect" person in the world feels the same way about their life.. has the same issues... it's like.. oh...ok.... this is how it is..I'll always be practicing....I can't change that... I'll never be 100% content 100% of the time...then, true happiness comes, when we accept.
Changing:
Awareness of what is not working and what you can change is so powerful. I can choose what to do to balance.. what I say, what I do, what I buy, what I eat, what I drink, if I workout or not.
Wisdom:This is what I know for sure: I KNOW I feel way better, mood, energy, etc. if I work out and eat well. I KNOW that I get a headache and grumpy when I eat sugar. I KNOW that I have so much more energy after running. I KNOW that my body feels so good after yoga. I KNOW I like whole foods better than junk food. I KNOW that if I just did some alternate nostril breathing that I calm down. I know that certain people are not good for me. I know when to say NO to people pleasing. I know and can name my feelings.

What makes you happy?

My kids laughing
That video of the guy matt dancing
Good coffee
Starting a new project
Finishing a project
Looking at the hard work I’ve done
A clean house
The smell of basil
Smelling, eating … Cilantro
Reading or finishing a good book
Coloring
Painting
Doing the next right thing.
AFTER a good work out :P
Being at Kripalu
Hiking
Exploring
Solving a problem
yoga
Tea
Spending hours at Barnes and Noble or Borders
Deep contemplative thoughts and conversation
Cnnecting with people, intimacy at a deep level, looking into their eyes
Cdling with my babies
Christmas decorations
Tchnology
Deaming new technology
Doing something good for the earth
Planting trees
Gardening
Recycling
Composting
Building stuff like a home made wind mill
Traveling (as long as it does not include screaming 2 yr old)
Some funny sitcoms
Good movie
Surfing the internet
Planning a project
Praise from my boss - or a thank you or compliment
Flowers
The sky
The stars
Sunsets or sunrises
Picnics
Swimming
Playing games with my kids
Reading to my kids
A good book
Music
Buying Local
Buying organic
Essential oil smells
Aveda products.
When I notice tolerance or patience

What makes you happy?

Happiness Project Interview Questions.

Just for kicks, I've answered Gretchen Rubin's questions she asks her interviewees. I'm fantasizing here that I'm famous :)

What’s a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
MUSIC. Music always works. YOGA. Yoga always makes me happy. Working out. Yeah, I hate to admit it, but working out does make me happy, but takes much more effort :)

What’s something you know now about happiness that you didn’t know when you were 18 years old?
Well, I’m 34, and you’d think I’ve learned a lot, but not really. The same things make me Unhappy. Like yucky feelings. Oh feelings. Disappointment, fear of someone NOT liking me (gasp), dis-approval from my mother, being in love with someone who is not in love with me. Ug… There is something I’ve learned. Awareness. I am REALLY aware of my feelings now. I think partially due to years of therapy and yoga. I can have these feelings and be aware that I’m having them, and not soooo attached to them. I guess I realize they are the clouds and I am the sky (I think I stole that from Rabi Rami)

Is there a happiness mantra or motto that you’ve found very helpful?
What’s my mantra…mantra.. hmmm this too shall pass, just do the next right thing, the universe…thinking about being a pile of atoms and molecules.. that helps get me out of my head. OHHH here’s a good one – it’s my computer scrolling marquee screen saver “each moment is pregnant with the rapture of life”. Oh, and “life is good” I love those two guys who created those t-shirts. They rock!


If you’re feeling blue, how do you give yourself a happiness boost?
The serenity prayer works in times of extreme frustration (like driving with a screaming kid or something of the like). Oh swearing. Swearing totally works for me. …MUSIC. Sometimes sleep. Cleaning. Yoga. Working out. Stopping to breathe. Surfing the Internet. Writing in a journal. Man I have a lot of tools. YEAH tool kit.

Is there anything that you see people around you doing or saying that adds a lot to their happiness, or detracts a lot from their happiness?
YES – not taking care of themselves, or their cash, or their house. Care and attention are expressions of love. It really doesn’t take that much effort, but to overcome the momentum of doing nothing, is the hardest part.

The Wizard of Oz

Definitely one of the top 10 desert island movies, all time favorite. I don't know why we keep forgetting the really important lessons in life... I have had it all along. There's nothing I need to get outside of myself, food, alcohol, reassurance. just take then next right step. just walk on the journey. just keep going. Similar to the Boys for Pele post a couple days ago, almost on a daily basis, I have to remind myself of my independence. Don't get me wrong, I think we need friends and family and community and work that inspires us, but I find that when I'm disappointed in work or love, I just feel so crushed. I have to remind myself... they just feelings.. nothing more than feelings... Sigh.. ok... let's go feet.
Thanks for taking me where I need to go. Thanks to my brain for letting me remember this today.
Peace

Vanilla jello and Shakira

So, I was thinking about the amount of diversity there is today. I'm pretty sure that will help world peace, and coexistence, and tolerance. I'm pretty happy about that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I see the Wal-mart, bed bath and beyond Barnes and noble shopping plaza's popping up everywhere, thinking that conformity is finally coming. Resistance is futile, give in to the man, all anyone cares about is the bottom line. But, I guess with the facebooks, you can get a real flavor, yogis, crunchy, consumers, gamers, malls rate, family folks, hunters, non profiters, tattoos, rappers dressing goth, ever increasing number of competing religions , that might just mean it might be almost impossible for any one of them to dominate the rest. I was really afraid in high school when I discovered conformity, that we were all going to turn into vanilla jello. I even wrote a poem about it. It won that year's college poem writing contest. I don't even have a copy of it. :( oh well. I know it started "Die, or be". Morbid, I know. So, is the next new flavor be a big mix of all the other flavors. Also, sort of related, I was surfing the next, listening to samples of Shakir's She wolf album, and thought MAN she's gotten skinny. What's happening to her? Is she conforming? I love Shakira, but where did she go? She has no hips left to lie about anything. I'm just a little worried about her. I hope she hasn't fell for that I have to be a size -2 or something. Don't conform girl!

Tori Amos

So, I've been away for a while. Major life changes since I last wrote. Still in the long long process of picking myself back up and brushing myself off, and I keep falling, but that's ok. It's all part of the process.
On that note, (pun intended - keep reading, you'll see), I have to say that lately I've been obsessed with Tori Amos again. I love music, it moves me, it changes my mood, it brings me great great happiness. I have like 9000 songs in my itunes (which I don't recommend - bogs down too much), and if you ever ask me who's my fave - it's Tori. What I think is really cool is her music has so many layers, and so applicable over my life, that depending on what's going on in my life, I get different meanings to her songs. So, right now I'm listening to Boys For Pele as I think I'm still struggling with being co-dependent, particularly on the moods of the men in my life, particularly because I can't seem to do everything right, or hurt their feelings, or dis-appoint them. And Honestly, I'm tired of being dependant on anyone. Actually it's not just men, it's all close friends or family. I want to stand alone, like the cheese. So, redirecting myself here, I need to work on myself, hence the blog, and not be worried if anyone is disappointed in me for any reason, usually based on me not giving them enough attention. Next right thing.
Love and hugs,
Joyel